I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do vagina's smell?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
