Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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