New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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