at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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