We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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