Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
