speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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