update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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