There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
why is half of my head shaved?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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