I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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