The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize