The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
