3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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