so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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