My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
