Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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