Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
