my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sext me about skeletons
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
