Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
