guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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