No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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