I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
