Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
