I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
