I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
