My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
