i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
