please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
MIDGETS
????
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
