whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
