Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
