I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
