I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
