I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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