so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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