I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
