what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
