I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
