dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
