I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
