Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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