i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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