if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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