Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
