My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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