We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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