She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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