I must be too annoying 4 u.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
