You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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