This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
