im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You ruined the universe
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
