New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize