try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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