I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
