This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
