If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
