you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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