wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize