I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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