how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
